What Women Want, and How to Plan for it.

In today's world, women can be anything they want to be.

I'm glad that we have so many choices. When we are graduating high school and going into college, the possibilities are endless. Should we be doctors or lawyers or the president of the United States? Whatever we decide, we'll be sure to follow our dreams. 

But when we get to be about twenty-five, many of us start to realize that our dreams might be different. Maybe what we want is really to get married, have babies, and stay home to take care of them. But by the time we turn twenty five, many of us have finished our bachelor's degrees and maybe our master's degrees, but we are no where near finished paying for them. At this point, we don't have many options. We have to keep working until we pay off our student loans. Hopefully we took out those student loans in order to obtain a high paying job, and we are not, say, private school music teachers who take home $1,400 a month. But that is another post altogether. One I hope to get to soon.

Why didn't we realize that we would want to stay home with our kids? I think it's because our culture is so concerned about women's rights and equal pay and respect and all that, that there are not many voices telling us that it is a good thing to stay home. A better thing. Therefore, it is something that many of us don't think about and plan for until it's too late. And it is something that must be planned for.

Here are some ways to plan ahead:

1. Are you about to start college? Do everything you can to avoid loans. Go to a cheaper school, maybe a two year school. Maybe take a year or two to save up while you work full time. Work and go to school at the same time. Do you need a master's degree? Not if you want to stay home with your kids. (You can always get one when your kids are older if you still want one). Do you even need a bachelor's degree? Not really. Of course, college is so fun, I would hate for you to miss it. But as far as learning goes, I found that I learned a lot more after college when I started voraciously reading books and directing my own education towards what I was interested in. This kind of education may not lead to a job, unless you're creative. But it can lead to self employment, which has more earning potential. I only skimmed this article, but it has something interesting things to think about when it comes to self employment.

2. Save up and pay cash for a reliable, oldish, used car. Often, the only thing keeping women at work is a car payment. I do not think that you would choose driving a new car over staying home with your children.

3. Before you buy a home, find one that will fit your future lifestyle with children, and will fit into a husband-only earning budget. If you have to sell your house, you will be paying a 6% fee to the realtors. On a $150,000 house, that's $9,000! I would suggest that you a rent a small, inexpensive apartment before you have kids, and save up for a big down payment on a house that fits your budget. Many women feel that they have to work because of their house payment. It is just another choice to make. Live in a big house with granite counter-tops, or stay home with your kids. I always hear people say that renting is throwing money down the drain, but in situations like this, it makes sense.

4. Make a plan for your money. Don't let it go anywhere without you putting it down on paper ahead of time. When you make the decision to stay home with your future kids, arrange your budget so you live on your husbands, and your income goes first to pay off all of your debts (except your house) and when that is done, to building up your savings account.

5. Choose your husband wisely. Pick a man who will support your effort to stay home. Pick a man who is responsible and has a good job; a man who is moving up in the world. I'm not saying he needs to be a CEO, just that he needs to be a hard worker. As wives, we play a role in encouraging our husbands to reach their full potential. If we build our husbands up instead of tearing them down, they will feel more confident, and likely make more money. 

I chose wisely.

I encourage you to talk to your daughters, sisters, cousins, and young friends about their futures and how to plan for them.

Do you have any other ideas about how to stay home with your kids?

Writing this post gave me so many ideas about other topics I should cover soon. Look out for these:

1. When to rent and when to buy.

2. Why you and your spouse should have a joint checking account.

3. How to make a plan for your money.

4. Don't take out expensive student loans for a job that won't pay well.

5. Why you should make a list of what you are looking for in a spouse.
6. How to cut costs on your wedding.

A Five Year-Old's Education of Debt

I found out recently that in the local schools, if you forget your lunch money, you can still get lunch on credit. How wonderful that the sweet children won't be allowed to go hungry for a few hours.

As a result of this, if you forget your ice cream money, you can also get that on credit. If your friend forgets her ice cream money, you can get it for her on your credit, too. In fact, borrow to get a round of ice cream for all your besties! 

One Mom told me that her daughter was distressed because she had racked up $30 in lunch room debt by buying snacks for her friends. Thirty dollars isn't a big deal. Just write the check, right? It is a big deal because of what it teaches our kids. 

If we don't let our kids experience the negative consequences of their actions, we are teaching them that there are no negative consequences.

If the school system is teaching him that he can charge his lunch to his account, we have to work extra hard to teach him debt is bad.

Didn't plan ahead to pay the electric bill? Charge it. Didn't save up to buy a new car? Borrow for it. Can't pay rent? Mom and Dad will let me live with them. Want nicer stuff? Want to give generous presents? Charge it.

We have to teach out kids that it's not okay to borrow. You have to save up in order to buy the stuff you want. Be prepared for what might happen.

My son brings his lunch every day, but we put $10 in his account to be prepared for the day we might forget his lunch or not have time to make it. When I told him about that money in his account, he said "No no no no no, Mom. You don't have to do that. They give us a special card. It's like a credit card, but not, and you can get lunch with it." When I tried to explain to him that credit is bad, he just looked at me with his "I know I'm right, but I'll be quiet about it" face.

I do not admire your fancy schmancy car.

In my volunteer financial counseling, I have noticed that one of the biggest financial problems people have is a car payment. I was about to fill in the end of that sentence with restaurant spending, but I realized that's not the biggest problem. So I will tackle restaurant spending another day.

The average car payment is $460. If you are paying something like that each month, imagine what else you could be doing with that money. Stop and think right now, I'll wait.

Did you think of what you would do with that money? Tell me in the comments!

I have talked to several people who have bought new cars in the last year and have big car payments, but are living with their parents. If they were driving old, paid off cars, they could find a small apartment for the price of their car payment. At least in my area you can. A quick search on ApartmentFinder.com found several.

Many people think that they will always have a car payment, only new cars will be reliable, you should get a new car if yours reaches x amount of mileage,  you should sell your car before it starts breaking down, or that once it breaks down a few times, it's time to get a new one. In reality, unless you have the type of repair that costs several thousand dollars, it is cheaper to pay occasional repair bills than to get a loan on a new car and start paying car payments.

I hope this blog reaches you before you get a loan on a brand new car. But it's not too late if you have bought (and borrowed for) a new car. But you got a really good deal on it, you say? Why is it that everyone tells me they got a really good deal on their brand new car? Could it be that car salesmen are good at making us think that we got a good deal?

It's no secret that new cars lose a lot of their value as soon as you drive them off the lot. If you didn't have a down payment, you now owe more for your car than what you can sell it for. You can find out what your car is worth at kbb.com It will take a while for you to pay the loan down to what it is worth, but I suggest you do just that. Then sell it.

Are you part of a two car family? Is there any way that you could make do with one car for a while? Do you live and work in a place for public transportation is reliable? Is there someone you can carpool with? If any of these is an option for you, you can do without a car while you save up cash to pay for a used car. If not, you should save up $1,000-$2,000 for a cheap used car. While you are driving the cheap used car, save up to buy a better used car, unless there is someone else more important to do with your money at this time. The good thing about a $1,000 car? It will hardly lose any value. When you go to sell it, it might still be worth $1,000.

When buying a car, always look at Consumer Reports. Your library might have it, or you may have to pay about $6 for a one month subscription. You can look up a car from any year and see how well it is expected to perform in several different areas. Then be patient. You won't see the best deal right away. Wait for the right one.

In my research, I learned that the average car is about eleven years old. Each year, this average goes up. That means cars are built better and are lasting longer, and age/miles is not a reason to get rid of your car.

Maybe it's just my age, but when I was a kid, I remember ten year old cars looking really old. Now, for the most part, they don't look old at all. Of course, I'm not interested in cars, and I don't pay attention to them except to wonder if the drivers of fancy schmancy cars are in debt up their eye balls. In fact, I am so uninterested in cars, that when I was in high school, and my parents bought a new used car, it took me about a year to be recognize it with confidence. This car was so nondescript that I always had a fear that I would walk up to someone else's car and get in and die of embarrassment.

Why does this car come up when I search for "most nondescript car"? This car is definitely fancy schmancy.

I believe this is the most nondescript car. It is practically parking lot camouflage.

So instead of admiring your friend's new cars, let's start a new trend of admiring your friend's oldest cars. Have a contest to see who can keep an old car the longest. We used to drive a car that was almost old enough to vote. We did not really love that car. When it rained, it poured. Inside. Especially when turning left. But we saved up while we drove it, and bought better cars for cash. Our current cars are six and eight years old, and they feel brand new. And they are going to last a long time.

Reusable Containers

Do you ever buy these things? I like to keep these sorts of containers on hand in case I am sending some food home with someone. Then I don't have to worry about getting the container back from them. Although, if it was this container, at least they would know it was mine.

But I don't buy these Take Alongs. I noticed the sandwich meat I usually buy comes in same kind of containers! Walmart brand has the same kind. I guess I forgot to take a picture. So I wash them and keep them.

I like to keep some glass jars on hand too. They're good for sending soup or some other hot food home with someone. Sometimes you need a small container for paint.  That's what I'm keeping those small bowls for.

Sometimes you need something to organize your craft supplies.

Sometimes you need something for your home-made cappuccino.

You know I'm a big fan of most things Walmart brand, but I recently bought this more expensive spaghetti sauce, because I like that little Atlas jar. I'll put something pretty in it.

I think it's great to reuse stuff when you can. But don't go overboard. If you have a lot of plastic grocery bags, you can just recycle those. You don't have to crochet a grocery bag purse. Although, I suppose you could do that. Just make sure it's a pretty one.

How have you reused containers?

The Bible has a lot to say about money.

I volunteer as a financial counselor at my church. This means I get to meet with people and help them plan a budget, discuss ways to save money, and make a plan to get out of debt.  I love that my church has this ministry. Since this ministry is important to NewSpring Church, they are planning to put together a devotional about getting out of debt, and they invited each of us financial counselors to write an entry or two.

NewSpring Church has campuses all over South Carolina, and anyone can make an appointment for free financial counseling here. You don't even have to attend NewSpring.

Here's my entry:

2 Kings 4:1-7
One day the widow of a member of the group of prophets came to Elisha and cried out, “My husband who served you is dead, and you know how he feared the Lord. But now a creditor has come, threatening to take my two sons as slaves.”

2 “What can I do to help you?” Elisha asked. “Tell me, what do you have in the house?”
“Nothing at all, except a flask of olive oil,” she replied.
3 And Elisha said, “Borrow as many empty jars as you can from your friends and neighbors.
4Then go into your house with your sons and shut the door behind you. Pour olive oil from your flask into the jars, setting each one aside when it is filled.”
5 So she did as she was told. Her sons kept bringing jars to her, and she filled one after another. 6 Soon every container was full to the brim!
“Bring me another jar,” she said to one of her sons.
“There aren’t any more!” he told her. And then the olive oil stopped flowing.
7 When she told the man of God what had happened, he said to her, “Now sell the olive oil and pay your debts, and you and your sons can live on what is left over.”

In verse 1, we see a widow who would have had very little earning power. She is in so much debt that her kids are going to be repossessed. We don’t know how she got into debt. Maybe it was her husband’s doing. Maybe he was borrowing in order to start a business and then suddenly, he died. Maybe he always took care of the money, and she just didn’t know what to do after he died. Whatever the reason, now she’s desperate and she comes to Elisha for help.

Read verse 2 again. Elisha is acting as her financial counselor. He’s getting all nosy in her personal business like us financial counselors do. He doesn’t go to the church and take up an offering for her. He asks her what she has that she can sell. She didn’t think that she had anything that people would want to buy, but I guess she didn’t realize what kind of stuff people would buy on Craigslist, Ebay, and Amazon.

In verse 3, her friends supported her in her effort to get out of debt. They lent her jars, but it wasn’t a big deal, because she gave them back after she sold the olive oil. They didn’t pay her bills for her, but they had a small thing to lend, and she wasn’t afraid to ask for it.

In verses 4-6, God miraculously multiplied her olive oil. God may not decide to miraculously multiply your bank account, but when you decide to make a plan for your money, God will multiply your efforts! Proverbs 21:5 says: Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty.

Her sons were helping her with the olive oil, and you need to get your kids on board and helping you. Every time they ask you to buy something, you have an opportunity to teach them about managing money. Sit down with them and have a serious talk. Tell them you are changing your spending habits and they can’t ask you to buy stuff they don’t need. It’s ok for them to know how much money you make and that you are paying off debt. Otherwise, how will they learn? If you feel they are old enough, you can put them on their own budget for buying clothes and doing fun things with their friends. Kids that are old enough can mow lawns or babysit to earn this money. Older kids should get jobs. Kids as young as two can do chores around the house to earn money. Of course, they might not do a very good job... The important part is for your kids to start learning that money comes from working hard and it is not going to be handed to them.

My prayer is that your children will learn from your situation and never have their own financial difficulties.

In verse seven, the widow sold her olive oil, paid off all of her debts and they lived on what was left over. They had to make it last until her oldest son was able to earn some real money and support the family. This time around, the widow knows that they have to make a plan and live as frugally as possible. Never again will they live with the threat of slavery!

Never again will you be a slave to your lenders!

What can you sell to help pay off debts? Maybe you have books you’ve already read, dvds you’ve already seen, or video games you’ve already played. Maybe you have recreational vehicles that you aren’t overly attached to.

In what ways can you ask your friends for help, without asking too much? For example: trading babysitting services, so you can both have free babysitting; if you are paying for a storage unit, maybe you have a friend who has some empty space in the attic; if you have a business, your friends could tell their friends about it; you could carpool.                                                                                                                          
What can you teach your kids about money? Is there anything your kids can do to start earning their own spending/saving money?                                                                                  

What is your plan for the future?                                                                                                                               

Save money by cutting your family's hair.

I do not enjoy cutting hair. But I do enjoy saving money. I enjoy having a retirement fund, a savings account, and college funds for the kids. So one of the things I do is cut my family's hair. My boys' hair sticks straight up, and I don't want to put gel in it every day, mostly because I'm terrible at that, so I keep the kids' hair short. I cut it with clippers, so it's really easy. I bought some remington clippers seven years ago when I got married, and they are still functioning just fine.

If they got hair cuts every six weeks starting at age one and if it cost $10, which is a low estimate, then by my estimates, I've saved $1130 in the seven years I've been married by cutting my husband's and two boy's hair.  And I only spent about $20 on the clippers. One time a guard broke and I thought I would have to buy new clippers, but it turns out that you can buy guards at beauty supply stores.

Whew. Dodged a bullet.

But that hair gets everywhere. It makes me feel itchy. I don't like it.

One time I let David cut my hair. One time. I don't want to save money that much.

You don't need a pattern to sew.

First of all, patterns are very expensive. Second of all, I haven't always found the measurements to be accurate. So use your body and make your own pattern!

Start simple with a skirt. Figure out how wide you want the top by pinning it on your body, and how wide you want the bottom. If you aren't going to add a slit, it should be at least wide enough to let you walk comfortably. For me, that is two yards. My last skirt was not stretchy and I made it one and a half yards. I walk around taking itty bitty steps.  Use a yard stick to make a straight line between the top and bottom.

This is jersey knit cotton, which is stretchy and forgiving, so I didn't bother cutting two separate pieces for the skirt, and I didn't bother sewing the ends because they won't unravel.

When I held the fabric up to pin the size, I liked how the extra fabric flowed, so I decided to leave it there.

I added some elastic at the top.

I cut one of the drapey parts narrower than the other so you can see more drapeyness.

I added a pocket because I dislike being without my phone and my chapstick.

If you have some sewing under your belt, I hope you try making something without a pattern!

The Best Tomato Plant

Meet my little garden. Our yard isn't too big, so we just have this small garden. Didn't my husband do a nice job with those bricks? We have tomatoes, lettuce, and three kinds of peppers. You see my lettuce in the middle going to seed. Only two of the lettuce plants got big enough to pick. The others were always small until they started growing UP and getting flowers, which means they have "gone to seed" (growing seeds) and won't taste as good. I've harvested one small green pepper, and two jalapeno peppers. We've picked about eight tomatoes so far from four tomato plants. Three had been partially eaten before we got to them. The others have unsightly cracks.

We've never had good luck with gardens.

But we have one grape tomato plant. An amazing grape tomato plant. It's the tall one on the left. It's about my height. It has given us so many tomatoes! And they have not been eaten by bugs or animals at all. Look at these big bunches! They are like grapes! All season long, we have been getting more and more.

It's called the Tami G Hybrid tomato. You should write that down and find it for your garden next year.

Here's all my beautiful grape tomatoes alongside my ugly, split tomatoes.

Those are from just one grape tomato plant.

Have you had any really great plants in your garden?